i dont want to be a man of prayer

Do not have as your motive the desire to be known as a praying man. Have no other motive than to know your Father in heaven. It is impossible to conduct your life as a disciple without definite times of secret prayer. God is never impressed by our earnestness. Prayer is not simply getting things from God... prayer is getting into perfect communion with God. (OC*)

Do I want to be a man of prayer? In the past I would have answered, "YES! CERTAINLY YES!" This sounds very pious. But being a "man of prayer" is in some ways the same as being a fan of a sport. You can know about a sport, and talk about it, and wear t-shirts with the name and logo, but if you don't play the sport, what good is all that other stuff? Its one reason I personally don't follow much sports. I'd rather play than watch. When I watch I feel detached and end up just wishing I could go play, even if my play would be much inferior. I'd rather play poorly than merely watch others play well.

The same is true in my spiritual life. I do not want to be a mere spectator. If my goal is to know God, to walk with Him, to live in obedience and victory, THEN I turn to him IN prayer. Prayer is not to be my goal or my objective nor should I feel success in the mere fact that I have prayed. It is the result of prayer that I am after.

Or look at it this way: I've never been a big 'car guy.' Sure, I like my car alot, but I don't know types of cars or engines or models or years or even how they really work. But I LOVE to drive! A car's purpose to me is not to be enjoyed in its humming engine or sleek design or sharp paint job, is to GET ME PLACES. If I merely looked at my car in a museum or drove around and didn't GO ANYWHERE my car would be nothing other then nicely formed metal that sucks money via the gas pump. I do want a reliable car, even a fun car, but I want it for the purpose of going places. The same is also true for me spiritually. If prayer never GETS ME ANYWHERE in my spiritual life, I am nothing but a "prayer guy" washing, waxing, and wearing out my prayer while going nowhere. May that never be me!

God, don't let me be a "man of prayer" - instead, make me a "man of God" - and show me how prayer can take me there! The the point will no longer be the words I say, or the hours (or minutes) I spend in prayer - but where the prayer takes me, what I do when I get there, how many times I return, and how I am changed as a result.

I don't want to be a fan of prayer or an admirer of prayer. Prayer should just be the means, not the goal in my spiritual life.

THAT is why I don't want to be a "man of prayer" any more. I want only to be a man of God. So I will pray.

opening quotations selected from Oswald Chambers

A fruitful infirmity

In John Piper's book, "A GODWARD LIFE," he writes, "Some teachers write. I cannot speak for others, but for myself it is a simple matter of necessity. I cannot get clear what I think until I try to write it down. It is a fruitful infirmity."

When I read this, I almost yelled out loud, "ME TOO!" It was encouraging to find a writer I admire who is wired to process through writing. I try to resist the urge to write as though I am jumping to teach and not allowing myself to be the only target of the thought-provoking words I read in Scripture and other books, and yet here I find encouragement that writing is part of my process of understanding and owning the lessons I am learning. If I do not write, I am likely not to learn!

Professor Piper continues, "I am no John Calvin or Saint Augustine, but I do say with them, "I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write."