The defeated fisherman

It must have been a dark and depressing time in his life. He had dishonored Christ. He had disappointed himself and others. His world had fallen apart and his ministry was now gone. There was nothing left, he thought, so he simply went back to fishing. He thought he was done, but God thought He had only begun.

His name was Peter, and he is my hero.

He was the one who had responded to Jesus' prophesy of his own death, by boldly declaring, "Even if everyone else is ashamed of you when things fall to pieces, I won't be!" and even after Jesus then predicted his sin, Peter blurted out, "Even if I have to die with you I will never deny you." (Mark 14, the Message)

As Gordon MacDonald writes in Rebuilding Your Broken World, "you are not most likely to fall where you think you are weakest, but where you think you are strongest."

Peter's weakness was not temptation, or fear of consequences... these ultimately are not enough to hold off sin... it was a lack of ability to keep with Jesus in prayer and fellowship. In the same chapter where he makes these bold claims of loyalty to Jesus, in fact, only verses later in Mark 14 (perhaps for a reason), we find Jesus rebuing a sleeping Peter:

"Simon, you went to sleep on me? Can't you stick it out with me a single hour? Stay alert, be in prayer, so you don't enter the danger zone without even knowing it. Don't be naive. Part of you is eager, ready for anything in God; but another part is as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire." (The Message)

Peter was all talk, and all good intentions, and often the most zealous in following Jesus (he's the only one who boldly left the boat and walked on water for a bit! Sure, he sank when his faith wavored, but everyone else just watched from the boat. At least his faith got him wet!)

But he didn't have the abiding prayerful, watchful relationship which can stand the difficult times. And he fell. He denied Christ when it mattered most - three times in fact. There are many ways we can fall, but denying Christ in His darkest hour has got to top of the list.

And what I find so interesting about Peter is that there is no record of him repenting, confessing, or going through any process to be 'restored' - he simply left thinking it was over, but God pursued him and not only restored him, but established His Church on him. Wow. Like David and Paul who had fallen hard and far, even committing murder, God said, "there is a man I can use, for his heart is mine" and put them back to work.

Peter was decieved about himself, as we often are. As I know I have been. Oswald Chambers writes, "Unless we get hurt right out of every deeption about ourselves, the word of God is not having its way with us. The word of God hurts like no sin can ever hurt, because sin blunts feeling. The question of the Lord intensifies feeling until to be hurt by Jesus is the most exquisite hurt conceivable."

Have you ever been hurt by Jesus? Hurt in the sense that He shows you and teaches you things about yourself that no one else ever could? Hurt that, as King David realized, only against Him have you sinned? Hurt realizing that all around you that hurts is nothing compared to the separation our sin causes between us and Him? The hurt when Jesus shows you clearly, not only what you have done, but also that he still loves you and wants you back? The hurt when He says, "I know, but will you follow me anyway?" The hurt when He still says, "Do you love me?" and you thought that your love was so obvious, how could He have to ask?!?

Oswald writes, "There is no possibility of being sentimental with the Lord's question; you cannot say nice things when the Lord speaks directly to you, the hurt is too terrific.... but the point of the hurt is the great part of revelation."

Jesus knows you better than anyone, and He still loves you and still wants you back.

In John 21 we find the story of Peter's restoration, first to relationship to Jesus, and then to ministry. Three times Jesus asks Peter if he loves him. On the third question, Peter is crushed. But he starts to awake to what is happening. As Oswald describes in another place, "Peter was awakening to the fact that in the real center of his personal life he was devoted to Jesus, and he began to see what the patient questioning meant. There was not the slightest of delusion left in Peter's mind, he never could be deluded again. There was no room for passionate utterance (as before), no room for exhilaration or sentiment. It was a revelation to him to realize how much he did love the Lord, and with amazement he said, 'Lord, thou knowest all things.' Peter began to see how much he did love Jesus, but he did not say, 'Look at this or that to confirm it.' "

Peter used to be about proving his love and devotion to Christ. I, too, once lived that way. But Peter and I have learned the hard way, that there is no need to "prove" ourselves or our devotion to Jesus (or to anyone else for that matter). No amount of service can convince Him, it is silly and obsurd to even try. Jesus knows our heart - and our heart is ALL HE WANTS.

In conclusion, Oswald writes, "Rarely, but probably at least once in life, He will get us into a corner where He will hurt us with His undeviating questions, and we will realize that we do love Him far more deeply than any profession can ever show."

Please, as one who has been in that corner, and is still sitting at the fire having breakfast with Jesus, let me be another voice urging you to give up trying to demonstrate your love or dedication or committment to Christ or his "Cause," and forget about whether you get everything on your "to do" lists done. Give up trying to impress Him, and simply love Jesus.

And Jesus will finally be pleased.